im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
