my vag is so smooth its legendary
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
