this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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