I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Randomize
