Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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