forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
So much rum. So many feels.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
don't judge my taste in strippers
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
