you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
