ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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