I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
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We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
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I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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