This girl is more easily done than said...
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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