We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
