i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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