If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
