How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
