a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Randomize
