Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
