She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
