I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
