He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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