I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
