Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
