found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
