I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
He has the fingertips of a God
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize