Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
In America we eat man semen.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
