If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
