Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
