I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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