Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
they call him Oral-B. enough said
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
