Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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