She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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