This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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