yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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