I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
