My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.