I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit