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I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
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