I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
