Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
