He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever