What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON