Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
