Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You left your phone here
Wait...
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
