He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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