My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
