how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
