it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
