Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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