We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
