Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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