So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
God, I missed his penis.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
