Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
