Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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