when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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