I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
