Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
