You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I did not marry a roomba.
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