Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
