Im at strip club and am horny
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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