I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
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