Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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