Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
