Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
