She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
