just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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