If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
