I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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