OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
