don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
