I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
sex in a hospital.. check
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
