Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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