I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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