She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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