just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize