I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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