hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
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