We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
