if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
