So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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