girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
