you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
