I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
