This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
