And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
