forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Randomize
