I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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